The side of Split they don’t show in the tourist brochures
I had to step through a puddle of elephant piss to get to my bike. The sun hadn’t risen yet and my brain was still clouded with dreams of sword swallowers and bearded ladies. The gray sky became lighter as we pedaled aimlessly through the deserted hills around Split. It took a long time to find our way to the center of town, which turned out to be only a couple hundred flat meters from where we had disembarked. Still, I suppose taking the ferry was a whole lot easier than riding all the way down the Dalmatian coast. From Ljubljana we chose the train option once again, both of us realizing that we needed a vacation from our vacation. The train took us over the mountains and through the rain to the nasty port town of Rijeka, where we headed straight to the ferry terminal.
From the bar deck of the venerable Marco Polo — an apparent cast-off from the Viking Line of Scandinavia — we watched a circus load onto the ship. Lots of beat-up trucks with huge words in Italian plastered all over them, being directed by dwarves and various circus types. When the ship finally pulled out, we recognized a tall and glamorous-looking Australian woman from our hotel in Zagreb. Iva explained that she was born of Croatian parents in Australia, and now lives in London. Traveling with her were boyfriend Neil and five other Australian expatriates from London. All seven of them were young and fresh-faced and excited to be on their way to Dubrovnik, the first stop on a two-week tour. They quizzed us extensively on our own trip before the rather sullen and contentious Neil launched into a diatribe about the virtues of land mines. All the others started laying into him, biting at his bait, and I took this as my cue to head back down to the cabin to join Fred. I wonder how they’re faring now, and feel a special empathy for Iva, who has cast herself in the role of tourguide/interpreter, which can’t be altogether relaxing.
In any case, relaxation was and is our goal in this part of the world. It’s very satisfying to know that we have nearly a week to get to our next boat in Dubrovnik, only 200 kilometers away.
Split looked and felt different from anything we had seen from the instant we pedaled off the boat into the murk. It felt balmy even in the wee hours, and the sight of palm trees and agave delighted me, even though we had cheated to get here. We also noticed a distinct change in attitude and pace. People seemed warmer and looser, more Mediterranean in demeanor. From the only open café terrace in town, we watched the town come alive as we listened to the rain patter on the umbrellas above our heads. For once we had no set program or goal for the day, and the rain made us decide to stay in Split. Finding a place to stay proved no problem, since women kept coming up to us saying, “Sobe?” — which I quickly deduced to signify “room” in Croatian. The first two shook their heads when we indicated the bikes, but the third — a rather unkempt and decrepit old lady with facial hair and a limp — said her place was big and right around the corner. She led me through a huge gate leading into the atmospheric old town — once the palace of Roman emperor Diocletian — and up a stairs into her dingy abode. The room she proposed was large and built right into the palace walls, with a great view of the harbor. Before making a hasty decision, I went on a walk to check out our options and stumbled upon the Hotel Bellevue, where we landed not only a great place to stash our bikes (the hotel’s laundry) but also one of the larger suites I’ve ever seen. It contains a kitchen, a dining room/office, a living room/bedroom plus a second bedroom. There’s even a separate room holding the bidet. The many windows look out onto the port, the islands beyond, and a beautiful old Venetian-style square. We could be happy staying here for weeks.
After settling in, Fred and I went exploring the old town, which was more happening now that it was past seven a.m. on a Sunday. Mass was being performed in the cathedral that was once Diocletian’s mausoleum, so we climbed up a rickety metal stairway to the top of the campanile. Luckily the bells didn’t ring on our way up, and the view from the top made me want to call my family and tell them I was moving to Split. It’s an incredible place. Firstly, there’s the dramatic setting on a turquoise bay, framed by rocky mountains and tree-covered islands. Then there’s the huge Roman palace that constitutes the center of town, an inhabited ruin of ancient columns and hanging laundry, surrounded by a warren of little streets and plazas left by the Venetians when they ran the place. It’s tourist heaven, only without the tourists. Most outsiders are still put off by the war, it seems.
After a long walk through the underground foundations of the palace and around its walls, we ate our lunch on a covered terrace surrounded by animated locals in their Sunday best. As we munched our spaghetti and salads, the drizzle evolved into a downpour, providing a perfect excuse to take a long nap before subjecting ourselves to some truly bad Hollywood output (“Batman and Robin”, which, incidentally, the Croats loved).
This morning we thought we’d go to a beach listed in the Spartacus Guide, thirty-some kilometers up the coast. We took the long way out of town, around the huge wooded peninsula that serves as Split’s Central Park. A car-free road used principally by joggers and roller-bladers snakes along the coastline through groves of juniper and cypress, providing stunning views of the beaches and turquoise water below. The whole effect was shattered, however, when this sublime thoroughfare dumped us without warning onto the main road out of town. All my theories of the laid-back nature of the Dalmatian people evaporated in an instant. These people are terrors when they’re operating motorized vehicles. A solid line of cars and trucks honked at us angrily before speeding by us only a hair’s breadth away, making their tires squeak in the process whenever possible. Knowing that we’d have to come back the same way made it all the more nerve-racking.
A slightly calmer road led us through the industrial suburbs and then a string of villages along the coast. The stiff wind at our backs blew us all the way to Trogir, where we decided to have a look around. It’s an old walled town, very Venetian-looking with its narrow labyrinthine streets punctuated by little squares, and jammed with tourists. I wondered if a cruise ship was docked in the port, and Fred seemed to read my mind when he suggested a picnic lunch on the beach.
Our guide book had listed it as a gay nudist beach, but it looked more like a watering hole for rhinoceroses. Old Italian and Croat hetero couples, their skin hanging off them in folds, sprawled along the pebbly beach or floated loglike in the water. We chose a spot a little further on, a concrete slab poured over some rocks. I stripped the moment we got there and stepped into the rough water, figuring a pre-lunch paddle would be refreshing. Feeling a sharp pain in my foot, I pulled it right back out. I didn’t need to look at it to learn that I’d stepped on an urchin. After a futile attempt at removing some of the spines, I lunched and dozed until the desire to swim drove us back to the rhino hole, where we splashed around, played backgammon and tried our hardest not to look at our neighbors.
The ride back was against the wind. This plus our familiarity with the route made the trip seem longer than it was. Coming back into town was predictably nightmarish, so we treated ourselves to another ride along the car-free peninsular, now infested with Dalmatian yuppie joggers. The sea glittered in the setting sun and I felt like I was on vacation again for the first time in what seems like a long while.
While pedaling hadn’t been particularly painful, walking the short block to dinner was excruciating. On our way back we stopped in a market to get some white vinegar. Fred says he remembers it from a first aid class he took in sixth grade as the remedy for urchin spines. Hopefully he remembers correctly; otherwise I’d feel pretty stupid soaking my foot in a bag full of vinegar here, my toes smelling like a salad.